I’m going to the movies tomorrow!

with the kitchen taking financial priority at the moment all unnecessary spending has been stopped and stamps have been listed for sale.  My big sister (who happens to be THE best big sister ever) saw me comment that I would wait for the Time Travellers Wife to come out on DVD because all $ were going to the kitchen and sent me an sms saying she had put $ in my account and to go see the movie! Isn’t she the best?! So tomorrow after my cardmaking session with a mate I am off to the movies (on my own) to see The Time Travellers Wife. I have been hanging to see it after I read the book a few months ago so that will be my treat. Then Sunday I am off to get the rest of my kitchen and Monday is Brett’s eye test and the real start of the clean up as the kitchen goes in in two more weeks!

 

thoughts on being a single mum..

When I was little and I painted a picture in my head of what my life would be like it always included a pretty little house with a husband and kids…..
My house is hardly pretty but at least it is mine (well ok the bank owns a chunk too), the kids are there (although I pictured them better behaved lol)…the husband…well if the one I had was the only option then best to do without anyway…

there are ups and downs of the whole single mum thing.
I get to set the rules and what I say goes…..
…..but if I’m tired sometimes it is difficult to always follow through
I don’t need to consult anyone else about major purchases or decisions….
….but I have no one to discuss them with to help me decide.
I get every second weekend off, I can sleep in, I can go out, I am FREE….
….but every second Christmas they go to Dads…

I know that their Dad loves them and it is ‘fair’ that they spend every second Christmas with their Dad. And I have no problems when they spend Easter at Daddy’s but Christmas is harder.

Why does this hit now? Cause I had to discuss with the ex when he was having them so I could make plans. So he will take them on Xmas eve which is a Thursday this year in the evening and bring them back Sunday night…it’s only 3 sleeps….I could go somewhere….I could stay home…it isn’t like I have no where to go or no friends to go to…but I don’t want to be a downer on anyone’s Christmas either… I thought about doing Christmas for them here on Christmas Eve but then they would go to Daddy’s that evening and either take their toys or leave them neither option is ideal….So I think we will have ‘our’ Christmas when they get back from Daddy’s. Maybe one day it’ll be easier….everyone has a Christmas without their kids eventually as they grow up and get involved with other people right?

but really if every 2nd Christmas is the worst thing about being a single mum then surely its only one day in 730! So I’m gunna do my best to learn to enjoy a Child Free Christmas, one with no fights over new toys and no constant stream of chat about the intricate details of the game from one boy who has no filter to detect boredom in his audience, one where I don’t have to help 3 little boys to get food before I eat mine. Surely a Christmas without the responsibility of children can be enjoyed (in the knowledge that I can then do it all again a few days later with the kids)…the best of both worlds right?

Cancer is such an ugly word

and I don’t know why I’m writing this because it just makes it real but hey thats just me, part of my way of processing I guess.  My mum just broke the news that my Godfather – my ‘Spare Dad’ has been told he has just 2 years left.  I don’t see Bob or talk to him or email him anywhere near as much as I should but anytime we can pick up where we left of. Bob has been my Dad’s best mate since they were 10years old – 50years of friendship is a long time.  The man is no saint but he has always been so full of life and energy and love.  He’s been breaking the news by telling people ‘I’ve got something I’m just dying to tell you’…still cracking jokes no matter what…that’s my Bob.

Someone tried to explain what a godfather was to me a long time ago, ever since I’ve always thought of Bob as my spare Dad, 2years just isn’t enough…

This is no occasion for ‘get well soon’ card…where is the ‘that really sucks’ stamp when you need it.

Bye bye birdie…..

oh so many years ago in another life before kids I used to work in workcover insurance….

one day my immediate supervisor transferred a call through to me from our new member of staff in our Bendigo office telling her to ring me if she needed any questions answered (ie don’t bother her lol)…who would have guessed that we would become such good friends at that time.  Some silly french lady who didn’t understand that the term ’silly cow’ was a friendly jest!  Since that day this girl became a part of my life. She didn’t just help me move house she was a whirlwind of packing frenzy. She stripped wall paper, she ripped up carpets and polished boards. She put up with my 8 month pregnant exhaustion. She helped me through the times when little baby Owen didn’t want to sleep…she took me to hospital when I had a gallbladder attack.

I knew that she was moving back home to France. I know she needs to go that she is doing what is best for her and for the kids. And yes I was going to miss her but hey we haven’t seen ‘that’ much of her lately anyway….but you know what…we didn’t need to see each other to stay friends. A little dinner and a chat was enough to remind me and you know what I am gunna miss that girl!  She is off soon to the airport….going home  and it is bitter-sweet for her as she goes home to so much but leaves stuff behind too.  Take girl and stay in touch cause I am gunna miss having you here.

What a beautiful day…

the boys all woke up early but once I got over that we got organised and enjoyed a nice walk down to bakers delight.  I love fresh bread and rolls for lunch – even better as we have a pile of fresh ham off the bone to go with it!  And with Mum and Dad to help we were able to entirely ditch the pram…wow my boy is growing up so fast…

I’ve been pushing a pram around for 6.5yrs now – it feels a little odd to go out for a walk without it and yet I am doing it more and more these days.

No photos to share as I forgot to get Mum’s downloaded before she left and my good camera is dead so we were using mum’s and Stephens…will get them eventually.

It was nice having Mum and Dad here and they got on really well with Stephen too which I guess I thought they would but well it is still nice.

Dinner (cannelloni with veal/pork mince/tomato sauce and topped with a cheese sauce) is all ready to be popped into the oven later. Stephen is coming back to eat with us. I might let him share my scraproom to work on his medieval gear while I scrap later tonight too.

I even made a tag with some of my SU stuff (which really is a big deal as I totally suck at tags as a rule.

I got to see TAM woohoo!

So Tam finally made it down to Melbourne and the plan was for me to meet her in town yesterday afternoon and we would do ’something’. Very specific plan I know!  So then we changed it – Tam came out on the train to Werribee and I took her down to A Scrappe Angels Heaven – the poor girl was a bit overwhelmed!  Apparently when I said it was a BIG store the description was lacking and BLOODY HUGE was a bit closer to the truth…

Then we went shopping (similar reaction to the local shopping plaza actually)…I picked up a bargain pair of cropped pants for $5 and Tam got some stuff she needed then dinner at Nandos. Tam and I have over the years been a bit amazed at how alike we think but we both stood back looking at the menu and then proceeded to order exactly the same thing (except for the coke zero/diet coke)!

Then we came back to my place and instead of being out on the town we spent the evening cleaning my scraproom and trying (unsuccessfully) to get my wireless router to talk to my modem. But you know what – we didn’t need to be out on the town to have fun…and I discovered my scraproom is pretty darn BIG when you move the furniture around a little and clear the floor!

No pictures as Tam got some on her Camera but it wouldn’t talk to my computer so I have to wait.

So best I get myself organised as I am meant to be cleaning my room right now.

Stephen is coming over later to tackle the backyard and then he is taking me and the kids to the zoo on the train!

oh Happy Day!

ok so I managed to get out of bed and organised for school and we walked again. Kids are starting to assume we are walking (as opposed to driving) which is great.

I had managed to rearrange Brett’s swimming lesson to Thursday mornings so I could stay for assemblies and parents meetings – sadly that meant leaving Owen 5-10min before the bell at school on Thursdays but meant I could stay Mondays…..and today was a good day to stay as Owen got an award for ‘listening really well to our stories’. Now I know that sounds pretty ‘lame’ perhaps but Owen is NOT a good listener so it is a pretty big deal hear!

We got home and the little boys played nice for a while then at lunch time we had some pies…went to put the sauce away after and found that Brett already had! really …without being asked! It’s a miracle – I know small things but it is using his initiative and being helpful!

Next Corey has been on a serious ‘no cuddle’ binge…I mean really seriously a lack of cuddles from that cheeky little monster….well Brett smothered me in cuddles after lunch til Corey couldn’t resist anymore and joined in!

So then I put Corey to bed and he napped with minimal argument (we are moving his nap time from 2pm to 12.30ish to allow a nap before school pick up – we need to leave by 10 to 3). Then Brett and I played the ‘rush hour’ game. Its a kids version and it is for 6-8 yr olds and he got through so many of them he only has the last 10 (of 40) to go…and they get harder as they go along….his thinking and reasoning is good – had to stop because after an hour or so (wow a whole hour) his attention span was slipping and he was getting silly.

fast forward to cooking dinner – kids were out of my hair and not fighting – mostly kinda ate without too much moaning….didn’t fight the no dessert ruling as they didn’t eat all their dinner – the vegie war!

Then get a phonecall from swimming – they are opening up an 11am class on Thursdays – unreal I can be at swimming and still drop the boy and be there when the bell goes!

so how good is my day going….

Owen rings Granma to tell her about his award – and he actually talks and she mostly understands, Brett has a quick chat and then Corey too…then I get on……Mum is glad to hear form me she has just got news

YOGI’s pathology report came back ALL CLEAR – ie no sign of Cancer YAY and he is coming home on Wednesday! Sue is over the moon!

so happy day oh happy day……

Ever so mundane….

so I spent my morning grumbling that the kids wouldn’t get dressed, then went to the shops where they were pretty good for a bit then went crazy (possibly given that it was past lunch time and I hadn’t realised). So home and then Corey goes to bed and the other two decide to drive me up the wall with general naughtiness while I’m sewing the bloody red smock (which is now done – not perfect but it’ll do).

In the end had to rush them to bed without the time to do things properly. But the school clothes are laid out and kinder clothes for Brett. The school bag is packed with all the things he is supposed to take with him (well lunch box still to go in).  The kinder t-shirts and hats (for the other kids) are sorted, bagged and labelled and in the car.

So the plan for tomorrow is to get up dressed, breakfasted and out of the house by 8am to get Corey to daycare then pop into kinder to drop off the shirts/hats. We will leave the car at kinder and walk across to school then walk back to kinder by 11am for kinder ‘interview’ then back to school (kinder thing finishes at 12.30 and school at 12.50) then back to get the car from kinder and back home til it’s time to pick up Corey.

Owen has been so silly today and then teary and worried about school – I don’t know if that is just normal anxiety or perhaps he is worse than some but the excitement has definitely  been replaced with anxiety with just the odd glimpse of excitement -hope it all works out for him.

Still waiting on builder to assess damage to wall from water leaks. Now have two claims for the same damn wall and will have to pay two lots of excess because it was two leaks – it is going to get complicated really.

Owen’s autism assessment has been half done – he had his cognitive assessment last Friday and I go in this Friday to do the whole developmental interview bit – not expecting any answers til I get the report 6-8 weeks later but who knows there may be an indication verbally just not expecting it.

so I spent most of my day cranky and irritable over what really is trivial things…bigger things were happening behind other doors for other people that were so much more horrible than my less than perfect day.

but life goes on…and we do the best with what we have and just keep on going on…what other option do we have really.

I have been thinking about my Gran…

My beautiful wee Gran has been gone from us for two years now. Perhaps it is the time of year, the fact that two years ago the weekend before Christmas I was at a funeral, or perhaps something else…but I have been listening to a bit of Josh Groban ever since I found that song ‘thankful’ and I keep finding myself thinking that she would have loved his voice. Don’t be sad for me. I am not remembering her in sadness. I am remembering her in joy.

I am thankful to have had her in my life for so long.

still thankful….

still loving Josh Groban. Still loving his song Thankful…and amid the cries of ‘he did this’ or ‘he did that’ still finding that this song can help to bring me peace.

Last night I got a call from Mix FM….I won two tickets to the movies! The comp is here – if you looked you will see that it isn’t just regular movies it is the movies in STYLE! Yup mini makeover, goodie bag and directors lounge (hoyts answer to gold class) tickets to see the new movie Atonement that comes out on boxing day. Well I had to wait til the details came through to ask people but am stocked I have found a friend to come with me for the 10am show! Scrapbooking has brought me so many friends and sometimes they become friends in a kinda ‘professional’ setting and putting your hand out to ask someone to step over that invisible kinda blurry line can seem a little daunting….and yet why so…I love that scrapping has brought so many friends into my life and today I celebrate that again.

And tonight…I took the kids to see the Xmas lights. There are some amazing displays out there. One I had read about that had buttons to push etc etc…so I took the kids to see….it was the only place I let them out of the car and it was on a main road so I was a little cautious but wow the joy in their eyes. I am amazed at how generous people can be with their own home but also grateful for the joy they help to spread.

also confirmed that I get the kids back on Xmas day at around 2-3pm so it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas….

I hope that this Christmas everyone finds some joy in their heart.