Archive for February 7, 2007

Doesn’t matter how FAIR things are sometimes they still suck!

really they do.

Now don’t get me wrong…I totally understand that my ex wants the kids for Xmas this year. really I knew he would. I know I fired off the message I had been thinking (read holding onto false hope about) for some time…the one where I trade every Easter in return for every Christmas. I held onto the illusion that it would work – that I wouldn’t have to face Christmas without my boys….no more…time to be hit with the reality stick. I know I know…Christmas is a long time away yet so there is no point in blubbering over it now. And yet in a way I guess it is better to shed the tears now and learn to deal with it, before it gets here…I don’t want to be waving goodbye to them and blubbering like a baby or they will wonder why Mummy is so sad. I know he missed them over xmas last year (although I still do not understand that he didn’t once ever ring to try to talk to them) but we are all different and we all cope in different ways.

Part of me is angry that he will then have 4 kids for xmas and I’ll have none – I guess it reinforces the bit about being on your OWN and yet I know too that I will be with my family not on my own….basically I am having a bit self indulgent sook!

After all this separation (soon to be divorce) was MY idea. I was the one who stood up and said I don’t want to live like that any more. And truly I am so much happier, healthier and stronger for having done it. And yet I still can’t speak the words that I’ll be spending Christmas this year without my boys without the tears rampaging down my face. And yet did I care at all that HE was going through that last year – not one bit.

It isn’t a perfect world and we can’t all have what we want. It is better to deal with the reality than to hide behind false hope…So I’ll sit and have my cry and try to say the words again without the tears another day. They will have fun with Daddy and I guess really that is what matters. He really is, as I suspected would happen, a better Daddy these day and for their sakes at least I guess in a way I am happy that he DOES want them for Christmas….

well if you have read this far then well done…tanty over….time to get to bed and then move on to a new day. A nearly full day of kinder tomorrow and playgroup then home for lunch and while Corey is sleeping Owen and Brett and I will tackle the assembly of our new swing chair!

February 7, 2007 at 11:22 pm 2 comments

just tooo excited!

What a difference a year makes.

While waiting outside kinder (got there early in a pick up time mixing with their settling in times) today I was thinking just what a difference a year makes.

Last year Owen was excited about going to kinder but when he got there was really unsure and his language skills were certainly not up to expressing too  much about his day.

Also last year I think he did about 3 paintings – for the whole year! He really stayed away from anything arty crafty at all.  AND his description of what happened at kinder never really went beyond ‘we played inside and outside’.  Oh and the BIGGEST issue last year was the battle to be ready on time – which came from having 3 boys (aged 4,2, & under 1) who would not/could not get dressed! Getting dressed was always a HUGE battle so that 9 times out of 10 no matter how early we started we were running late and I was frazzled and grumpy!

This morning Owen and Brett both dressed themselves. Owen put his own change of clothes and drink bottle in his backpack and while I was getting Corey ready he told me that “I am sooo excited to go to kinder Mummy” and on in that theme all day really – too excited to sit still, I’m too excited Mummy. (well I asked if he was excited about going to daycare and he said no he is only too excited to go to kinder) very cute!  And he had no accidents, I still have to go with him but hey that is better than cleaning it and at least he tells me when he needs me! And he told me all the things he played with at kinder and he did a painting! And he helped me to clean/tidy the kitchen then he (and brett) helped me to put get the bread machine going and to make yo-yo biscuits….AND (yes another one) he ate his VEGETABLES at dinner time! Said he likes vegetables IN things but not by themselves on the plate!

my little men are growing up…..and I am just tooo excited….cranky Mummy barely put in an appearance today at all AND I got housework done

AND I finally put up a new banner at digital scrapbooking top50 and changed the background colours to suit AND put up the new menu bar with more thorough links to the rest of the top50 site!  More facelifts coming (well new menu bar for top50 aust and facelift and new menubar for kits) soon.

February 7, 2007 at 12:40 am 2 comments

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February 2007