Archive for March 6, 2008

a change of perspective

the scary thing is just how quickly it has all happened. Probably only 4-5 weeks ago I was saying that really where on earth was I even going to MEET a single man let alone a nice one…and even then well is he going to be interested in ME? (ok ok I know you are all going to yell at me for being so mean to myself – self esteem in that area of my life has not been so high in the past)….I went to a kids bday party and well…everything changed…my outlook on life is different…my future is a lot more uncertain – and yet brighter too and it’s not quite like ‘stop the world I wanna get off’ because well I’m enjoying the ride but at the same time my head is spinning…

I have tried to fill the void in my life with work and stuff and was doing ok til the bugger smiled at me. But he just reminded me of something that I’ve always known…that I do want a man in my life, not just for now, for today, for fun…someone to grow old with. Despite the disaster of my previous marriage (although not totally as it did result in three beautiful boys) I still believe in (or at least hope for) the whole fairytale. I want to fall in love with a knight in shining armour and live happily ever after.

Recently -a few months ago – I heard myself saying that If I found the right man I could actually have one more child…I have it in me to have one more…and I was a bit stunned at myself right then too!  And of course I happened to say that to a group of girls at the party (including Stephen’s mum)!  But now of course that comes up and despite only having seen each other a few times we have already discussed the whole kid thing and its a bit weird (maybe it is just because we are older and don’t have ‘forever’) but I know that if we stay together then we might just have to buy that Kombi the kids are so wishing for before too many years have gone by and yet wow it’s early days and I wonder that we even had that discussion!

And so back to feeling like a 15 year old and running to get the phone when it rings…back to blushing and smiling when the school mum’s make comments…trying to be patient and take it slow but you know what – I always did suck at waiting.

March 6, 2008 at 10:27 pm 2 comments


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